It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
