Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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