He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize