btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
