just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
