I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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