Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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