I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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