but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
