Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
