Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
