there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
