Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
