You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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