im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
