Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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