I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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