I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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