Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He better not be in your backpack
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
