Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
