we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
