Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Two words: blizzard sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize