take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
