Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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