Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
