I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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