Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
thus making me awesome and them whores
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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