i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
