I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize