Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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