i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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