I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
