I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
