ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
