He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
