My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
