He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize