Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize