I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
