you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
