Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
