Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
