I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
