I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
