I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
