she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
