There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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