I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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