checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
