I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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