every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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