The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
