Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
