my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
