She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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