its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
