it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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