I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
