yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
