i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
