you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
