Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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