I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
