were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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