Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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