I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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