My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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