Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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